A place for my thoughts and ideas, my creative outlet, a little piece of the web for me to call my own...yeah...right...
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| a bite of chocolat... ::home:: A place for my thoughts and ideas, my creative outlet, a little piece of the web for me to call my own...yeah...right... |
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004 Today I made my first college visit, and I'm not sure how I feel about this whole college thing. It was great in the sense that I know college is going to be amazing, but it was sort of sad, too. I thought for a minute about how wherever I go I'll likely end up as the only person I know there. Many people meet the loves of their lives at college, but that might be a little hard for miss faithless over here. I just don't know how anyone will understand me in four years to that kind of depth. And speaking of those that know me, I've discovered that half of my world is on the crew team. That's Caitie, Kevin, Jon, Will, Conor, and Jen, all of whom are in Florida at preseason too far away from me. Except for Jen, who is in North Carolina on a cross country college trip, which is also too far away from me. And it made me sad to think that if I'm lonely already, the September after next is going to suck. So back to college, I'm also worried that I won't like the academic aspect of it. Even thought that's sort of the purpose of college... In elementary school, you are motivated to learn because you really don't know how to do anything useful, except for maybe walking, talking, and tying your shoes. You want to be able to talk with the grown-ups. You want to be able to count out your money at the toy store, to understand the instructions to set up your "some"-assembly-required bookshelf. There are goals set for you by the curriculum of the school, and you want to do well, 'cause then you get a sticker, a lollipop, or that Discovery Zone Birthday Party that your mom said you could have because you were doing so well. In high school, you do well because you want to get into that best college, whatever it may be, wherever it may be. You just want to go there, to prove to yourself that your life means something. You want to go there because that's what people do, right? Grow up, be good at stuff, go to college, get a job that pays you compensation for all the years you slaved away. Personally, I've always worked pretty hard because something inside of me has always told me to. Not doing so was never an option. When I first learned what college was, it became the light at the end of my tunnel, education-wise. It personified, if you will, all of my plans of greatness. I had the vision of college that people in the 1900s had: If you work hard and prove that you're worthy, you'll get to go to a fantastic school and become something great. I still want that, but that's no longer what college is. College is now like a giant conveyor belt on which we all pass through a factory of mass production. Maybe I'm just jaded because the past two years have spit in my face and reminded me that I am human, imperfect, and definitely not invincible. And that I have absolutely no idea what to do with the rest of my life. College seems like it will be the most fun I've ever had, but at the same time I'll need to find a new manifestation of success to keep my head above water. I mean, I still have that burning desire to "make something of myself," but I really just don't know how... posted by Shannon | 12:57 AM |
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